Realising your getting older

In your hey day you think your invincible, old people are funny and you imagine that you're never going to go the way of your dad.

But then slowly but surely, father time starts catching you up. It starts with little things, such as experiencing a small degree of difficulty and discomfort when getting off the sofa, the sudden interest in news and current affairs meaning your more interested in the times headline than who's on the front of FHM and you end up watching Newsnight by choice.

Then the bigger bomb shells start dropping non you as you discover your idols are either past it, or the new ones are younger than you, you've started using phrases you parents would use, your getting increasingly concerned about your chlestrole level, even though you haven't a clue what it is, it's just advertised a lot and seems something to do.

You find yourself interested in how many miles to the gallon your car does, qvc replaces the midnight views of babesation, you scoff at paying £100 plus for a pair of jeans, choosing to go for the cheaper option instead and declaring them as much more comfortable. And names - you never know who anyone is anymore, you cycle through several names beginning with the letter you think it is, only to find out your no where near... And that it's a stupid new fangled name that back in the day wold have been piss take material -but not now as everyone's called Spraticus now and it wouldn't be 'PC'.

Reminiscing becomes all too frequent and you long for the good old days when your wife's breasts stood up on their own accord. You still take a good look and a cheeky wink at the new female office temp, and being a silver fox there's some interest back (you maybe older but you haven't lost all functions...yet)' but the feeling of guilt and wrongness due to her beginning 'young enough to be your daughter' gets in the way.

And finally the most clear sign of all that you've finally reached older age and your can no longer be consider young - you prefer to sit down on the toilet than standing up.

Cherish your outh young uns, cherish it - and if yu see any of the above happening to you, buy a sports car and grow older disgracefully.